


Halloween Jamboree

by mtothedestiel



Series: Love, Sex, and Paperwork [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Office, Deaf Clint, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, M/M, Mild Sexual Harrassment, TV Tropes, parks and recreation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 17:38:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2781779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtothedestiel/pseuds/mtothedestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We return to the Parks Department, where Director Steve Rogers is trying to host a Halloween party for local trick-or-treaters in City Hall.  But will dirty small town politics put the Jamboree on hold?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay this is embarrassingly late for the spooky season, but I've got 3k of Halloween hijinks written about these knuckleheads and by God I'm posting it anyway. (stay tuned in the future for more holiday updates. Christmas? Valentines? Earth day? the adorable bureaucratic possibilities are endless) Enjoy, and I always love your comments!
> 
> Just a reminder, this fic is in TV script format, with blocking in [brackets]. An empty [] indicates a cut away to an interview scene, just like on Parks and Rec or the Office.

Steve:[dressed as a fireman] So we’ve had a number of parents speaking up at our last couple of town hall meetings about America’s Halloween plans.  It seems there are some concerns about trick-or-treating, especially for families that live along busier streets.  They’re worried about safety, which is reasonable, especially with the kids under ten.  So our citizens are looking to their government to provide a fun, safe, spooky alternative to regular door-to-door trick or treating.  [smiles] My time has come.

[]

Bucky: [dressed as a policeman] Jesus, you should have seen Steve’s face.  People who actually _want_ the Parks and Rec to do something?  And that something _doesn’t_ involve raccoons or river slime?  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so excited. [thinks]  …Maybe when we got married.  But that’s the closest I can think of.

[]

Interviewer: Well it’s the thirty-first.  What did your office come up with?

Steve: With some great collaborating from the Parks and Rec staff, we decided to throw a Halloween Jamboree right here in City Hall. 

[]

Sam: [dressed as an angel] Yeah this whole thing was Steve’s idea.  We know better than to get in the way of a Rogers Plan.  But whatever, it’s cute.  Not to mention smart.  We decorate a bunch of department offices, kids can go door to door and trick-or-treat, and it’s all safe and supervised.  A bunch of city employees volunteered to work it, so it’s great PR.  [looks thoughtful] …As long as nothing goes wrong.  Otherwise it’ll be a total media disaster.

[Sam looks troubled.  A few moments pass and City Manager Romanoff appears silently in his office doorway.  She’s dressed in a red devil costume.]

Natasha:  Wilson!

[Sam falls out of his chair.  He stumbles back to his feet, adjusting his halo.]

Sam: [blushing] What’s up, uh, ma’am?

Natasha: I need help decorating.  You’re coming to my office to assist.

Sam:  Yes ma’am.

[Sam follows City Manager Romanoff out of the office, casting one last wide eyed look to the camera.]

[]

Natasha: I don’t actually need help.  I just think he’s cute. [adjusts devil’s horns]  That halo’s gonna be pretty ironic once I’m done with him.

[]

[Late afternoon.  The Parks and Rec office is hosting a small pre-Jamboree party for volunteers.  The offices are decorated in various pumpkin and ghost themes, with cookies and punch for all involved.  Director Rogers chats with a few staff members while former Sergeant Barnes blatantly stares from across the room.]

[]

Bucky: Did I have a hand in selecting Steve’s costume?  Yes.  And I can’t wait to peel it off him. [twirls night stick]  _Real_ slow like.

[]

[Back at the office party, former Sergeant Barnes’ lustful staring is interrupted by a noise out his office window.  Director Rogers’ immediately notices his husband’s sudden alertness and approaches.]

Bucky: Uh, Steve?

Steve: Yeah, Buck?

Bucky: Why is there a bulldozer parked in front of the main entrance?

[Director Rogers joins former Sergeant Barnes at the window sill.  The pair watches as another large backhoe moves into view in front of City Hall’s main doors.]

Steve:…[beep]

[]

Tony: [dressed as a mad scientist] Does the Parks and Rec department have any enemies? I’ll tell you.  Two words.  Three  syllables.  _Endless_ douche baggery:  Public Works.

Bruce: [dressed as a doctor] Mother[beep]ers.

Tony:  They do all the city construction, water, electric…the works.  And they hate us. 

Bruce: In September they decided redo all the roads surrounding Van Dyne park.  At the _same_ time.  I had to cancel Yoga In The Park for five weeks.

Tony: There’s been jack hammering going on outside our offices for the last _year._ They’re not building anything, they just pay somebody to stand outside our offices and jack hammer to piss us off.  They’re mean, stupid, and petty.

Bruce: [nodding]

[]

[Public Works Director Rumlow spins dramatically around in his office chair, dressed in a glow in the dark skeleton costume.]

Rumlow: Wow, look at the pair of you.  On your way to a bachelorette party?

[Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes are not amused.]

Rumlow:…

Rumlow: ‘cause you look like male strippers. [smirks]…that’s what I was going for there.

Bucky: Yeah. We got it, genius. 

Steve: What’s the deal Rumlow? 

Rumlow: [steeples fingers on his desk] I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, _Steve_.

Bucky: [growls] That’s Director Rogers to you, assclown.  And you know damn well what. 

Steve: [placing a cautionary hand on Bucky’s arm] You’ve got construction equipment blocking off the main entrance, Rumlow. 

Rumlow: [leans back in his chair] That I do.

Bucky: Tonight’s the Halloween Jamboree, moron.  If you cut off the road none of the kids are gonna be able to get to the party.

Rumlow: Oh yeah…it’s a shame.  Turns out there’s a problem with the gas lines under the front road.  Real _emergency_ situation.  Couldn’t wait ‘til after the weekend. [Rumlow grins, not at all apologetic]  Sorry _Director_ , nothing personal.

Steve: [glaring] You know, it kind of _feels_ personal.  

Rumlow: [pulling a form out of his desk drawer] Tell it to the town council.  I’ve got the approval paperwork right here.

[Former Sergeant Barnes snatches the form out of Rumlow’s hand, skimming the information.  He flips to the second page, and swears.]

Bucky: You bastard.  This has only got one signature on it.

Rumlow: Only takes one for an emergency.

[Director Rogers looks over former Sergeant Barnes’ shoulder and swears too.]

Steve: [pointing at Rumlow] We’re going to handle this…this…BS.  If I hear any equipment start up you’ll be dealing with _me_ , and not through proper City Hall channels.

Rumlow: [looks smug] Duly noted.  Good luck with Pierce.


	2. Chapter 2

[In the hallway outside the City Council offices, Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes talk in hushed voices.]

Steve: I _really_ don’t like being negative during a holiday celebration…but this [beep]ing sucks.

Bucky: We’ve gotta go to Pierce.  This whole situation stinks and it’s _literally_ got that slime ball’s signature on it.

Steve: [drops his head onto former Sergeant Barnes’ shoulder] I really hate that guy.

Bucky:[patting Director Rogers’ back] Me too baby, me too.

[]

Sam: [back at his desk, his face now peppered in red lipstick smudges] Yeah, Alexander Pierce pretty much runs this town.  Which is weird, ‘cause like we live in bum[beep] Illinois so like…why bother?  But whatever I guess.  He used to be a big time doctor besides being a small time politician, so when he decided to retire in America it brought a bunch of wealthy clients that really boosted our local business profile.  And he’s never let us forget it. 

[]

Tony: Any projects Pierce doesn’t think are in the ‘best interest’ of the city?  They all hit a wall of red tape.  Or a wall of Public Works goons hit them.  Pierce practically has Rumlow on a leash.

Bruce: That guy’s a creep.

[]

[close up on an office door.  The nameplate reads “Councilman Alexander Pierce”.  Inside, Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes are seated across from a handsome older man in a suit.]

Pierce: Director Rogers, always a pleasure.  And Sergeant Barnes, you’re certainly looking… _pert_ this evening. [strokes tie patterned with jack-o-lanterns]

[Former Sergeant Barnes crosses his arms over his well fitted uniform shirt.  Director Rogers’ eye twitches.]

[]

Steve: [tapping pencil on desk] I would never, _ever_ , say anything negative about any of our illustrious city council members, especially one who has dedicated the last eight years of their life to the promotion and development of this beautiful municipality.

Interviewer: …

Steve: That being said…if Alexander Pierce ever gets hit by a bus I won’t be sad about it.

[]

Bucky: If Alexander Pierce ever gets hit by a bus it’ll be because _I_ pushed him.

[]

Steve: And he ever so much as _touches_ Bucky without his permission-

[snaps pencil]

[]

Bucky: This ass [points] belongs to nobody but me.  …and Steve.  Any city council members who think otherwise should know that I carry seven different concealed weapons on my person.  At _all_ times.

Interviewer: Seven?  Do you have permits for those?

Bucky:…of course. [looks into camera]

[]

Pierce: [holding the work permit from Rumlow] Right, the gas issue.  I noticed the leak myself, coming into the office after lunch.  I told Rumlow to handle it as soon as possible.  So dangerous, those old lines. 

Steve: Councilman, as you know, City Hall is hosting a Halloween Jamboree tonight, so Sergeant Barnes and myself just wanted to check that you we’re _absolutely_ sure that there was a problem before we-

Pierce: Believe me, son, I know the smell of natural gas.   Any one of those lines could be ready to blow.

Steve: Yes, but how can you be _sure-_

Pierce: Director Rogers, I’m sure you’re not suggesting that we host an event for _children_ while there’s a potential gas leak mere feet from our main entrance.

[former Sergeant Barnes clenches his fists on the arms of his chair.]

Steve:[gritting his teeth] No, of _course_ not.  It’s just this we’ve been planning the Jamboree for weeks and I know a lot of families will be upset if we cancel it without any notice.

Pierce: [smug] As it just so happens, my niece is having a Halloween party tonight.  It _would_ have been at the same time as your little event, but seeing as you’re going to have to cancel…well.  You can just direct all the trick-or-treaters to my Sasha’s party instead, and no one will be disappointed.

[Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes stare at Councilman Pierce, both shocked at the man’s brazen underhandedness.]

Pierce [standing]: We could have had a real disaster tonight.  Luckily the good men at Public Works will be able to fix the problem and our little town will stay safe tonight.  I’m glad this we could work this out.

[]

[Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes sit on the bench outside Councilman Pierce’s office.  Director Rogers has his head in his hands.  Former Sergeant Barnes rubs his back.]

Steve: He’s lying.  He’s _obviously_ lying. 

Bucky: [nodding] He’s a dirty liar.  He just wants to funnel all our kids to his niece’s dumb party.

Steve: He’s a dirty liar on the town Council.  We can’t challenge his decision on the gas leak, not in time for the Jamboree.  We need another idea. 

Bucky: …I could blow you in the men’s room.

Steve: That won’t help with Pierce…

Bucky: Yeah, but it’ll make you _feel_ better.

Steve:[still despondent] I know it would, baby.  You give amazing head.  It’s just…

Bucky: [dragging Steve by his oversized sleeve] Come on.  Getting freaky on government property always gets your gears turnin’.

[]

[Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes emerge from the men’s room.  Sergeant Barnes’ hair is markedly rumpled.]

Steve: [flushed] Okay, I have a plan.  

[]

Steve: Bucky and I being intimate always inspires me, but this time takes the cake.  I mean really, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.

Interviewer: What’s the plan?

Steve: We call in our own inspector.  If a professional can certify the area is safe, then we can have the Jamboree.  And luckily, Bucky knows a guy who’ll come in on short notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And who is our mystery inspector?? *scans list of remaining Avengers roster*


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am such a horrible updater :p Here it is, much too late, the concluding chapter of the Love, Sex, and Paperwork Halloween special. Hope you enjoy it!

[A beat up Volkswagon Jetta pulls up to City Hall’s back entrance where Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes are waiting.  From the car emerge a blonde man approaching middle age dressed as Robin Hood, and a younger and much more fashionable young woman with dark hair, also dressed as Robin Hood.  They are Clint Barton and Kate Bishop.  He is wearing a hearing aid, while she appears to be interpreting for him using American Sign Language.  The two shake hands with Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes before they’re ushered inside.]

[]

Clint:[with clear but careful diction] Hi, I’m Clint Barton.  I’m a safety inspector from the local power company.

Kate : And I’m his interpreter.

Clint: Interpreter-in- _training_.

Kate: _Executive_ interpreter-in- training.

[Inspector Barton sighs, massaging his temples with one hand.  Kate grins at the interviewer.]

Interviewer: [with Kate signing] How do you know former Sergeant Barnes?

Clint: Special Forces.  When Barnes got knocked off that bridge in Bosnia, I was stuck up top with the full blast [indicates his ears].  Barnes got his fancy arm…and I got Kate.

[Kate sticks out her tongue when Inspector Barton looks away.]

Clint: We both got discharged, and eventually I ended up back in the area.  While I was getting my feet under me Barnes was my number one drinking buddy.  And my number two booty call, until he got his act together with Steve.

Kate:[also signing] Who was your number one booty call?

Clint: For legal reasons, I can’t say.

Interviewer: Would you say you still had any residual feelings for former Sergeant Barnes?

[Clint starts laughing before Kate even finishes translating the question.]

Clint: That’s rich.  [shouted off screen]  Hey Barnes!  This documentary lady wants to know if we’ve still got _feelings_ for each other!

Bucky: [shouts back from off screen] Oh I still got ‘feelings’ alright.  Like the feeling of your [beep]ing [beep] up my [beep], mother[beep]!

Kate: [translating] I really didn’t need that image.

Clint: [chuckling] Yeah, our ‘relationship’ definitely wasn’t that serious.

[]

Bucky: Clint is a good buddy of mine.  He’s a little bit of a space cadet, but he always comes through in a tight spot.  And he’s got a great ass.  …Not as good as Steve’s, but still nice.

Clint: [from off screen] Gee, _thanks_.

Bucky: [shouts back] You heard me! …Anyways, we figure if we can get his okay on the gas lines out front and get Natasha to sign off on it, the Halloween Jamboree can proceed as planned and Pierce will have to shove his niece’s party where the sun don’t shine.

[]

[Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes watch as Inspector Barton and Kate make their way across the “construction site” out front of City Hall, badge and clipboard in hand.  Inspector Barton has some sort of device to determine if the gas lines are sound or not.  The public works employees remain close to their construction equipment, looking uncertain.]

Bucky: [muttering to Director Rogers] Rumlow’s goons are already getting’ shifty.  Knew this whole thing was a hoax.

Steve: Let’s just hope Pierce doesn’t make a fuss.  We’ve got…two hours until we have to make a call.

Bucky: You know he’s probably gonna play the ‘save the children’ card.  He’ll stall just long enough to make sure his party gets to be the toast of the town.

Steve: I do feel bad for messing up his niece’s night.  Still, any party he’s involved in can’t be _that_ fun.

Bucky:[thoughtful] You know, you might be on to something there.  Let me make some calls.

[Former Sergeant Barnes walks away, dialing his phone.  He greets the person on the other line with a long string of Russian.  Meanwhile, Inspector Barton marks down some readings on his clipboard and Kate shoots Director Rogers a big thumbs up.]

[]

[Thirty minutes later, in the City Manager Romanoff’s office, which has been swathed entirely in black fabric.  Sam is balancing precariously on a ladder, hanging plastic spiders from the ceiling while Director Rogers and company gather around the desk.  City Manager Romanoff and Inspector Barton exchange a cool nod.]

Natasha: Barton.

Clint: Good to see you, Nat.

Sam: [looking back and forth] How do all you people know each other?!

Natasha: Later.  I understand you boys have something for me to sign?

[Director Rogers provides the override forms for City Manager Romanoff to fill out.  Sam continues to watch Inspector Barton warily.  Finally Natasha signs the paperwork with blood red ink.]

Natasha: Pierce has been a bureaucratic thorn in my side for decades. [the group looks at each other in puzzlement] Put him in his place for once, won’t you?

Steve: [nervously] Yes, ma’am.

[]

[Director Rogers stands on the steps of the main City Hall entrance, with former Sergeant Barnes at his side.  He addresses the Public Works employees, who are preparing to dig up the main road.]

Steve: Everybody hold up!  I’m cancelling this work order on behalf of the Parks department.

[There is some confused shouting from the construction workers.  Councilman Pierce emerges from City Hall, with a nervous looking Rumlow watching from an inside window.]

Pierce: What is the meaning of this?  Why are you holding up this urgent operation?

Bucky: We’re putting an end to this circus.  The Jamboree’s going on, whether you like it or not.

Pierce: [ignoring Bucky] Director Rogers, I thought we discussed this.  Cancelling the Jamboree is a necessary precaution-

Steve: [holding up his triplicated forms] Which our own inspector certified was _un_ -necessary, with the City Manager’s approval.  Here’s a copy for your office.

[Councilman Pierce looks over Director Roger’s paperwork with a deepening frown.]

Pierce:[scowling] Romanoff…

Bucky: That’s right, creep.  [To the gathered Public Works employees]  Okay everybody, pack up and go home.  Unless you want the City Manager out here…

[A shudder of fear goes through the men at the mention of City Manager Romanoff, and they scatter to their various back hoes and cherry pickers, exiting the front entrance lot with remarkable speed.]

Steve: Alright Buck, get Banner and Stark, we’ve still got time to put some of those pumpkin lights up before six.

Pierce:[wrinkling paper work in his fist] Now wait just a minute you little-

[an older woman’s voice, from just offscreen]: Alex?

[Former Sergeant Barnes pumps his fist in victory behind Councilman Pierce’s back.]

Steve: [whispering] What’s going on, Buck?

Bucky:[slapping Steve on the back] My ace in the hole.  He’s finished.

[Enter Anastasia Pierce-Goldman, Councilman Pierce’s sister, dressed as a beekeeper, along with five year old Sasha Pierce-Goldman, dressed as a bumblebee.]

Pierce: Ana, what are you doing here?

Mrs. Pierce-Goldman: Here I was killing myself to throw a Halloween party, and this nice young man calls me to let me know that City Hall is having one for free.  Mr. Barnes even invited us to come to the staff party, since you’re on the Council.  _You_ certainly didn’t mention that, Alex.

Pierce: Well, I thought- I mean doesn’t _Sasha_ want-

Sasha: [waving her empty candy bucket]  I want to trick-or-treat with my friends, and they’re all coming here.  Besides, Mr. Rogers and Mr. Bucky are cool.  Everybody says so.

[A vein pulses in Councilman Pierce’s temple, but he’s trapped.  Mrs. Pierce-Goldman shakes hands with Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes, looking harried and somewhat apologetic.

Mrs. Pierce-Goldman: Alex is always so hung up about appearances, but it’s such a hassle.  He’s such a silly old man, sometimes.  I hope he didn’t cause you boys any trouble.  This Jamboree is really a load off my mind.

Bucky: [grinning] No trouble at all ma’am.  Welcome to the party.    

Steve: Why don’t you and Sasha head inside?  The Parks office still has plenty of snacks left before the rest of the kids get here.

[Sasha and her mother head happily into City Hall, leaving Councilman Pierce, Director Rogers, and former Sergeant Barnes facing each other down on the front steps.]

Steve:[coolly] Anything else, Councilman?

Pierce: [glaring] …I guess not.  Enjoy your success, Director.  I can assure you it will be short lived. 

[Pierce turns on his heel and follows his sister into the building.  Former Sergeant Barnes flips him the bird as he goes.]

Steve: [wrapping his arm around his husband’s shoulders] Nice job, Mr. Barnes.

Bucky: Same to you, Director Rogers.

[]

[It’s a little after seven, and the Jamboree is in full swing.  The halls are filled with well supervised children from age four to sixteen, gathering candy and enjoying the decorations set up by the various City Departments.  Director Rogers and former Sergeant Barnes hold hands at the main entrance, surrounded by happy kids.  Bruce and Tony hand out candy in the Parks Department, while Sam and City Manager Romanoff run a small, family friendly haunted house out of her office.  As Councilman Pierce follows his niece around the halls, pouting and scheming, it would seem Inspector Barton and Kate have found an unclaimed bag of Reese’s pieces, which they enjoy on the back entrance staircase.  Overall, the night appears to be a great success.]

[]

[Later, the sun has set and the Jamboree has come to a close.  Former Sergeant Barnes is heading up the cleaning effort while Director Rogers sees off Kate and Inspector Barton.]

Steve: [shakes Inspector Barton’s hand] Thanks for coming out.  You really saved the day.

Clint: No problem.  [hands over a business card]  Hold on to that.  Give me a call if the Parks department has another emergency.  Or if you and Barnes are ever looking for a casual third [wink].

[Kate groans while Director Rogers flushes]

[]

[Director Rogers sits at his desk, which is littered with the remains of various party decorations and half finished glasses of punch.  His fireman’s hat is tossed on to his desk, leaving his hair messy and sweaty.]

Steve:  Well, today worked out better than I could have hoped.  The Jamboree was a big success, Councilman Pierce’s machinations were put to a temporary halt, _and_ [waves Inspector Barton’s card] now I know what I’m getting Bucky for his birthday.

[]

Bucky: [leans back in his chair, hands folded behind his head, grinning] Something tells me it’s gonna be a  great year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Secret: I am working on a Christmas special, maybe it'll be done by Easter :p

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: Quick! If you go look right now you'll see there's a third part to this Series!! Happy Labor Day!


End file.
